Nothing is changed, I am still with my N. I first wrote on this board 4 or 5 years ago when it was with MSN.

Now there is a business entaglement, i am in so deep and am so depressed I think about suicide almost everyday. I even described my plan on craigslist and got quite a few compliments, it is not your typical sleeping pill or wrist cuts. But i doubt I will really do it, I don't have the courage, not that I am afraid to suffer, been thru plenty of that. It hurts other people and it just seems he wins that way.

One thing I know, he is truely insane, not a devious conartist, but he truely believes what he is doing and it has nothing to do with reality. And nobody can tell him othewise. And through me he has access to normal people who get hurt. I don't want it to happen but he manipulates me and I am so tired of fighting him. Suicide is just a way to get control of my life again. He has distroyed me financially, mentally and emotionally. I have isolated myself from everyone I know and do not even want to be around people anymore.

Now in this new business of his, there are a lot of laws which he disregards, but I am the one in the line of fire. Funny how it worked out that way, and boy does he have plans. I know I will end up in court and maybe jail. Oh and it wll be my fault of course.

I just wish he would dump me and find someone else. He is so obsessed with me and I don't get it, I am nothing special. I left for a couple months last year and it only strengthened his addiction to me. I am thinking I could finially learn all the tricks here to make his life miserable and hopefully won't get killed and he will move on.

It is late. I will be back tomorrow.