its a long story but I think,,, no, I know,  Im finally ready to end this. I have no excuse for myself for staying too long. I suspected he was an N before I agreed to marry him. but thought maybe by saying he wanted to marry was his commitment to change for better.

Even though married him, I developed anxiety chest pains, I did keep my house and didnt fully move in with him. Been married a yr and half but have dated or whatever you call it for 10 yrs. when he said we were Not in a relationship, we did more things together and had more fun. since married, its like he puts on an effort to be with me in public, but in private he totally ignores me. He has no interest in being intimate and lies about his online porn addiction.

that was the last straw,, (ha no pun intended) its not very funny really. Im feel very numb too numb to cry anymore.
what happened was I had been using his washer and dryer, went in to get my laundry and saw he was on his computer watching porn. I wanted to vomit. we have had arguements about his lack of interest in having sx or not having it. He swears he has no drive. Well he lies to the end, its amazing. how they lie like a small stubborn child.

I am done. this situation makes me sick.  I sealed my fate of ending it by telling him I knew he was lying, since figured out his password.

I need to let go of confronting and trying to get him to tell the truth. after all these years and all these lies. He can rot in his disorder alone.

feel very angry right now how I tried to beleive him about his disorder he said he had since he is 49,, he has no disorder except between the ears.

when I think about his personality in general, he is always either watching TV, playing online WOW world of warcraft,, gambling at video poker. when he wants to talk to me its while driving or on the phone.. the intimacty level has never been there, there is always a distractor for him. Also he is drinking almost everyday and on paxil.

How do I get over being rejected as a female? how do I not take this personnally? This hurts very bad .. and Im tired of wasting my life, my heart and too many tears over his lies. Im tired of feeling worthless and want my life back.

hopefully its ok to mention this issue of porn addicition..?